Sertraline
My body's on a mutiny
organised by mind.
I always knew they were conspiring against me.
I blame the brain.
It would send me into melt-down,
throw me to the floor before I could catch my breath.
Leave me wondering where I was
and how to fix it.
No answers.
Then the sleep stopped.
Wasn't happening, gone on strike.
I pumped in the pills but she didn't like that.
Oh no she didn't.
That's when the body intervened.
Physically tried to stop me,
slowed me down in time
and pinned me back.
It hit me where it hurt,
right in the guts and out up top
spewing out and feeling down.
Sometimes the bitch is still on my back
trying to claw round my neck
and remind me who's boss.
But I won once.
Damned if I don't beat it again.
………………………………………….
I lost my spark once you know.
Poof - bubble burst.
Lost in limbo.
Told myself I didn't need words,
that I could go mute
and close up shop.
And I did.
No poems
no prose
no picturesque paragraphs
describing dainty details
of my demented demeanour.
Not a squeak.
Not for months
and months.
I let life loom over me,
cast a shadow as a long as my nights
and as black as my thoughts.
I wasn't looking for what I found.
I stumbled in and saw a face
smiling back at me.
I wasn't looking for what I found
- but I found what I needed.
My voice came back
and wouldn't silence.
My heart beat rapid
and wouldn't stop.
Everything opened
and I could breathe again.
When you found me.
…………………………………………..
A Kindness
Hello again you.
Congratulations.
You made it.
You had your doubts there, didn't you?
There was a wibble
then there was a wobble
but look, here you are!
No one can take that away from you.
Not ever.
You sat yourself down,
emptied your head
and started to let go.
Those months seeped away
through your tears
and you jittered through the withdrawal
when it felt no better.
Yes it took time,
but the best things do
and she is ever so grateful
you stopped.
She thanks you for the second chance,
for kicking the habit,
finding yourself and others.
She sends her love.
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